My First Holiday Abroad

To take a break from the stresses of working as a toilet attendant, I decided to travel over 2000 miles to some northern country in Africa that I know absolutely nothing about other than the hotel I will be staying in is rated 2 out of 10 on trip advisor.

I was really looking forward to spending the entire week sleeping half naked on a big chair next to a pool. However, I didnt really understand why it is only acceptable to sleep half naked next to a hundred other strangers if I’m next to a pool, nor why this pointless type of holiday is so popular among British people, so I interviewed a British lad named Steve on the plane in the hope that he could provide me with some insight.

This is what he said:

“Have a pint and do fuck all”

Taking into account his level of intelligence, I gave him a laugh, called him “a funny lad” and probed a little more:

“mate, It’s dirt cheap and you get treated like a king. ”

” you’re in paradise! relax! “

Steve, you genius! It all makes sense now! I’m not travelling 2000 miles just to sit on a chair…I’m travelling to be treated like a king in paradise!

And with the current exchange rate, even with a toilet attendants salary, i can be treated like a king by people who work twice as many hours as me and get a hundredth the pay! if I were them I would be fuming! But who cares what they think! Im paying the hotel to be a king for the week and these employees are my well deserved slaves.

With my new found sense of self, I bid farewell to my mentor Steve the lad, adopt a pompous prick posture and journey on towards my hotel.

On arrival to the hotel, I was greeted by a warm welcome and smile by the door slave, who then hurriedly ushered to the bag slave to take my bags to my room. I tipped them both the equivalent of ten pence, as I would like to be remembered as a generous king and I’m sure they’ll appreciate it as they’re used to working for pennies.

So far, so good. I’m impressed they have British newspapers, football with english commentary on TV and that there’s wifi. I feel right at home. What more could a man ask for apart from hookers.

But then i get a surprise. I take the lift to the room, step out on my balcony floor and take a look around. What a beautiful view…

Then, I turn to my left, and my eyes are greeted with this…

A construction site. WTF is this. I was furious. The cheek of these slaves to attempt to earn a living on this construction site without any consideration for my balcony view. Disgraceful.

How on earth does this hotel expect me to be so ignorant as to sunbathe in this fake “paradise” when i have to continuously be reminded of these slaves working in the blistering heat the entire day to create another hotel so more of us can sit naked all day in our “paradise” built by slaves. I try to ignore this, but these slaves are working right in my face, and it’s rather inconsiderate to my feelings, and frankly, plain ugly.

I immediately contact the manager with whom I have a furious discussion as to why, as a king, I was not consulted of the interference of my balcony view by slaves and I ordered these slaves to be fired or else I will retaliate by writing a nasty review on trip advisor.

The manager, with a curious,calm smile gently explained that I was being unnecessarily fussy and that I was the first guest to complain about the construction site.

I was shocked.

Could the rest of the hotel kings really enjoy sunbathing whilst watching slaves sweating away at a construction site?!

Could they not at least even open their eyes and see the pain and suffering that surrounds them to provide them with their week of “paradise”?

Can people really be this blindly ignorant?

Or are we too busy spending our time sober reading “fifty shades of grey” whilst coating our self vanity with a tan, and the rest of the time wasted on drink to give two shits about the people that run it all. After all, without us, they wouldn’t even have jobs. So where’s that pint, let’s get on with doing fuck all.

“Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind” John Tillotson