I’m a Non-Vegetarian but I’ve never seen a bird being killed.

the mister

Photo Via Looseends 

Dear Non-Vegetarians

I am a meat eater and have been all my life.

When vegetarians ask me why, I respond with the following 3 main arguments:

1) We are the top of the food chain and are designed to eat meat.

2) Animals are stupid and probably don’t notice/feel pain.

3) If I don’t eat it some-one else will. It’s already dead after all.

But am I kidding myself?

1) We are the top of the food chain, but just because we have the tools to kill does that mean we should? 

2) Animals don’t feel pain…yet have you seen an animal being killed? 

3) It’s already dead after all…what about supply and demand? 

So there you have it, the entire vegetarian vs non vegetarian argument summed up in six sentences.

Putting all that aside, it occurred to me, however, that as some-one who eats meat, I have absolutely no idea how that meat ends up on my plate.

If we are brave enough to eat meat, we really should be brave enough to kill it ourself..

I’m not asking you to kill, I’m asking you to watch it be killed. Give a few minutes and watch at the very least one of these three videos to hear out the millions of animals we’ve eaten. 

Don’t delay it, make an excuse or ignore it as I have done for many years. Just watch it. 

“Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind” John Tillotson
“Ignorance is not bliss. It’s blind.”

For those of you are brave enough to kill a chicken yourself, cut it’s head off, it’s feet and legs off, cut it’s belly open and rip out the intestines, heart and lungs and then shove it in the oven, a step by step method on how to do this can be found here. 

Conclusion

Is it morally wrong to eat meat? 

I don’t know.

Will I stop eating meat? 

I don’t know

Is what we do to animals just so we can have a tasty meal cruel? 

Definitely

Can we survive healthily without cutting necks and ripping out hearts and intestines? 

Yes

beby sheep

Photo Via Voodoo@zjy

Sheep head

Photo Via Carstenfonsdal

Black Sheep Cafe - Crispy Pork Cheeks

Photo Via Xin Li 88


My First Holiday Abroad

To take a break from the stresses of working as a toilet attendant, I decided to travel over 2000 miles to some northern country in Africa that I know absolutely nothing about other than the hotel I will be staying in is rated 2 out of 10 on trip advisor.

I was really looking forward to spending the entire week sleeping half naked on a big chair next to a pool. However, I didnt really understand why it is only acceptable to sleep half naked next to a hundred other strangers if I’m next to a pool, nor why this pointless type of holiday is so popular among British people, so I interviewed a British lad named Steve on the plane in the hope that he could provide me with some insight.

This is what he said:

“Have a pint and do fuck all”

Taking into account his level of intelligence, I gave him a laugh, called him “a funny lad” and probed a little more:

“mate, It’s dirt cheap and you get treated like a king. ”

” you’re in paradise! relax! “

Steve, you genius! It all makes sense now! I’m not travelling 2000 miles just to sit on a chair…I’m travelling to be treated like a king in paradise!

And with the current exchange rate, even with a toilet attendants salary, i can be treated like a king by people who work twice as many hours as me and get a hundredth the pay! if I were them I would be fuming! But who cares what they think! Im paying the hotel to be a king for the week and these employees are my well deserved slaves.

With my new found sense of self, I bid farewell to my mentor Steve the lad, adopt a pompous prick posture and journey on towards my hotel.

On arrival to the hotel, I was greeted by a warm welcome and smile by the door slave, who then hurriedly ushered to the bag slave to take my bags to my room. I tipped them both the equivalent of ten pence, as I would like to be remembered as a generous king and I’m sure they’ll appreciate it as they’re used to working for pennies.

So far, so good. I’m impressed they have British newspapers, football with english commentary on TV and that there’s wifi. I feel right at home. What more could a man ask for apart from hookers.

But then i get a surprise. I take the lift to the room, step out on my balcony floor and take a look around. What a beautiful view…

Then, I turn to my left, and my eyes are greeted with this…

A construction site. WTF is this. I was furious. The cheek of these slaves to attempt to earn a living on this construction site without any consideration for my balcony view. Disgraceful.

How on earth does this hotel expect me to be so ignorant as to sunbathe in this fake “paradise” when i have to continuously be reminded of these slaves working in the blistering heat the entire day to create another hotel so more of us can sit naked all day in our “paradise” built by slaves. I try to ignore this, but these slaves are working right in my face, and it’s rather inconsiderate to my feelings, and frankly, plain ugly.

I immediately contact the manager with whom I have a furious discussion as to why, as a king, I was not consulted of the interference of my balcony view by slaves and I ordered these slaves to be fired or else I will retaliate by writing a nasty review on trip advisor.

The manager, with a curious,calm smile gently explained that I was being unnecessarily fussy and that I was the first guest to complain about the construction site.

I was shocked.

Could the rest of the hotel kings really enjoy sunbathing whilst watching slaves sweating away at a construction site?!

Could they not at least even open their eyes and see the pain and suffering that surrounds them to provide them with their week of “paradise”?

Can people really be this blindly ignorant?

Or are we too busy spending our time sober reading “fifty shades of grey” whilst coating our self vanity with a tan, and the rest of the time wasted on drink to give two shits about the people that run it all. After all, without us, they wouldn’t even have jobs. So where’s that pint, let’s get on with doing fuck all.

“Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind” John Tillotson


What are my long term goals?

Natural Beauty
Photo Via Marcusrg

During my intense reflection since divorcing my wife whilst living in a trailor park , I have wondered whether I had wasted the last five years of my life being married to her. 

I concluded that when describing the last five years as a “waste”, I must first consider that it could only be a waste if it had deviated myself from achieving my long term life goals.  To read about this in more detail, please read “Have i wasted the last five years”.

What really interested me during this discussion was that, prior to really thinking about what my long term goals are, I believed my long term goals were to retire in a nice home with my wife, play with my grandchildren and have a villa in Spain that I sit on my ass at every month. But why did I think this, and why is it that I associate this thought with blissful happiness. And even more strangely, why do SO many other people have the same goals and believe this association with happiness?

Is it the media, or is it our parents who bought us up with this belief. What about 100 years ago, when people didn’t live to see their grandchildren. Was their long term goal to play with their children instead of their grandchildren or to have a garden chair made out of sticks instead of a villa in Spain?

However this universal long term goal managed to invade our minds, it is now important for me to analyze what my long term goals really are, rather than relying on some set point mind set which is inherent in us without even thinking about it.

So, what are MamaJi’s long term goals?

Well, firstly, through analyzing the past it seems that there is a clear pattern with regards to goals and happiness. An example would be to attempt to achieve the goal of gaining a degree. One believes that they will receive happiness when they gain the degree, and strive to achieve it. Yet when they achieve it, after a short period of happiness, life once again feels empty, and the person strives for another long term goal, in the hope that it will bring them happiness.

It is therefore possible to predict that any goal setting will not provide the person with long term happiness. Yet surely long term happiness should be the ultimate long term goal, for otherwise what would be the purpose of acheving the goal in the first place.

If happiness is the ultimate long term goal, and the actual achievement of  goals such as gaining a degree  does not provide long term happiness, could it be that the process of achieving a goal is what provides us with happiness.  One can split up this process of achieving a goal into three main categories: dreaming, striving and finally, the actual achievement. For example, a man “dreams” of himself as a doctor. He “strives” to set out to pass years of exams to become a doctor. He then becomes a doctor.

Usually, the “striving” part of reaching a goal is laborious and stressful. If it wasn’t, then the person would not feel that they had to “strive” to achieve their goal. The perceived happiness of attaining the goal would be less if it wasn’t difficult to obtain and there was no need to “strive”. After all, who really enjoys revising for exams? 

The “striving” is a relatively unhappy time, which one must go through to achieve their goal, which is perceived to provide them with happiness. Yet we know that there is no long term happiness with the acheivement of the goal. Could it be, therefore, that the unhappy time of “striving” and the short term happiness of achieving a goal actually balance each other out, and without one you can not have the other? Could it simply be the improvement of unhappiness to normality as what we perceive to be happiness as we achieve our goal? Do we therefore have to punish ourselves in order to feel a moment of happiness?

What about the first stage of the process of achieving a goal: the “dreaming” of acheiving a certain goal and the positive thoughts that come with it. The daydream that once you achieve your degree you will be shooting up in the stars, partying for months on end and people around you will be envious of your success. Could this be where the happiness lies?

Certainly, when you are day dreaming such positive thoughts, there does appear to be complete happiness. Yet a day-dream is completely internal, with no external input of striving or external accomplishment. Is happiness therefore an internal goal, rather than an external goal?

It seems that of all the three steps to achievement, it can be said that “dreaming” seems to provide the most instant happiness. Dreaming does not require an episode of unhappiness in the form of “striving” to receive a moment of happiness (or improvement of unhappiness to normality) .

As I form my new goals,  I must form the goals to achieve the ultimate goal of “happiness”. If dreaming seems to provide more happiness in the process of achieving goals, I may need to analyse this further and deduce whether it can provide long-term happiness. But before this, I must analyse what “happiness” is, and should it really be the ultimate goal?

MamaJi


The Daydream:The Apprentice “You’re fired.”

Alan Sugar
Image Via Artist Agayev

As I sat alone in a trailor park reflecting on my recent divorce, I fell into a deep sleep.

It was then that I had a daydream. Until I woke up, I was to be the leader of England.

My mission, should I choose to accept it, would be to take England out of the recession.

At I sat back in my now bigger chair and waited for three maids to bring me my lunch,dinner and tea instead of my ex-wife, I was approached by this funny-looking fat man who was concerned about the recession.

Fat man: “Mr PrimeMamaJi sir, how do we get out of the recession”.

PrimeMamaJi: “We can’t.”

Fat man: “So what can we do. People are upset and shit.”

PrimeMamaJi: “Right. We must convince all these unemployed people that there is hope. They know that there’s no jobs left so we can’t play the “work harder” game.”

“We will make them believe that they can all survive without jobs through making their own living through selling shit. That way every-one will sell everything to each other and that will magically boost the economy”

Fat man: “Excellent logic. How should we proceed?”

PrimeMamaJi: “Well, we should spread this message far and wide. To do this we must enter the unemployed mind. The majority of the young unemployed sit at home watching television and planning their next riot right?”

Fat man: “Well, actually no…”

PrimeMamaJi: “Sorry what did you say? A good leader always listens and therefore I am trying to show that for the cameras so please repeat what you said so that I can prepare an answer to convince you that you are wrong.”

Fat man: “Oh yes, I see what you mean as I’ll go with anything you say anyway. Carry on.”

PrimeMamaJi: “To convince unemployed people to go out and sell shit, we will convince them using TV.”

PrimeMamaJi’s brain light bulb goes off.

“I know!!!”

“We will make a show where a rich, influential man can explain to people how it is done. He will do this by getting people to run around selling shit and then fire all of them except one.”

Fat man: “Excellent idea! Tell me more.”

PrimeMamaJi: “Well, firstly, the rich successful man will tell them that he doesn’t care about education because we don’t want so many people going to university anymore and also because the unemployed may not have gone to university.

Ideally we want to find a rich man who did it all from nothing so that people relate to him and believe that they can do it from nothing.

In the show we’ll make everything look really easy to the viewer by misrepresenting the candidates as stupid. For example, we’ll show how easy it is to set up and sell cakes at a cake stall by filming the candidates in a park selling cake and making faces rather than focusing on all those measly start up costs as banks don’t lend anymore.

Then, we want these people to take a risk. So let’s review the people who got fired on television and show every-one that they look a lot fitter than they did in the actual show. Hell, we can even make it funny.”

Fat man:Genius. But how do we get a rich man to join our plan?”

PrimeMamaJi: “Oh fat man, who said anything about “join” a plan. I’ll hire the rich man and make him work for me. We’ll even give him a job title: how about the enterprise champion.”

Fat man: “Excellent! I’ll begin making the arrangements.”

PrimeMamaJi: “Thats the entrepreneurial spirit! Mmm, entrepreneur. That word has a real ding to it. Let’s use that word more from now on. I want it all over tomorrow’s newspapers.

Oh, and fat man…You’re fired! Only joking, haha!”


Have I wasted the last five years?

Natural Beauty

Photo Via Shan Sheehan

As many of you have heard, I have recently divorced my wife due to the excessive  hair growth situated on her nose and chin. For further information surrounding this topic, please visit “why i divorced my wife”.

Since then, I have left my home to wander the world on my own and have commenced a period of intense reflection. Being on your own makes you feel isolated. However, it is only when you are on your own you realize that your old life was the real isolation.  Your daily monotonous movement, as you wake up in your box of a house, to eat cereal from a box, to travel to work in a box, to sit in a box of a shitty building to come back to the original box merely to lie in a box to wake up to repeat the process until you disintegrate into your permanent box (coffin). The comfortable notion of “home” and “work” allowing you to remain confortably in your self made larger box in sweet ignorance that you are the center of your larger box and everything outside your box doesn’t exist.

Anyways, during this period of intense reflection, a question arose. Have I wasted the last five years being married to this insane lady?

The concept of “waste” used in phrases such as “i wasted my time in university”, “i wasted my youth” and ” i wasted my education” are commonplace in both mine and your vocabulary.

When reflecting on your life, it may be, as  in my case, you ponder over whether you wasted five years with a partner. Others may be concerned that they wasted time studying for a degree they didn’t care for or didn’t achieve. The simpleton amongst us may be concerned that he wasted time playing pro-evo when he could have crossed his fingers,  waved his hands up and down and pushed over his mates at a club to “POW-lethal B”.

Whether it be education, relationships, health or wealth, it is really “time” that you have “wasted”. Time that you will never have again. For with an infinite notion of time, time spent within a crap relationship could not have been “wasted”. Without the issue of having only forty-fifty years in this world, the crap relationship would have been seen at the very least as a positive learning experience. The phrase “life is too short” is of relevance here.

The issue is therefore that the fifty years we have in this world are precious, and should not be “wasted”. The question that remains, therefore, is what is the definition of “waste of time”?

A “waste of time” is a period of time which has deviated you from your goals, whether it be short-term or long-term. Therefore, to answer the question “have i wasted the last five years being married to this lady,” I have to answer “Has the last five years deviated me from my long term goals?” What, therefore are my long term goals? Is it to live peacefully with my wife through old age and see my grand-children before I die?  Yes, of course that is the goal. But if that is the goal, how did it become the goal, as I don’t remember having any thoughts or discussion about this being my long term goal, and surely I should contemplate what my goals are before criticising myself for having experiences which deviate from these goals.

And why is it that I have the same goal as most of the people around me, even though none of us have thought about it. Is this a magical phenomenon, or is it based on the end of those Disney films I watched years ago, where every-one lives happily ever after. Thoughts of playing with grandchildren and retirement seem, almost instinctively, to be associated with thoughts of happiness and peace, yet it is rare to question why.

Therefore, has the last five years with my wife been a waste? Yes, it has deviated me from my long term goal of playing with my grandchildren. But will playing with my grandchildren in fifty years provide me with so much happiness that I should disregard the last five years as a “waste?”. There is no evidence that it will, nor that I will live long enough to achieve that goal. Years ago, did I waste so many years at University, as it didn’t end up aiding me in my career? Yes, it deviated me from my long term goal of achieving a certain amount of wealth/respect by a certain age. Was I any happier when I achieved the wealth and respect, albeit a bit later? No. Did I think I would be? Yes.

The concept of waste would not be present if there was an infinite amount of time. We are assuming we have forty years. What if you were to die tomorrow, and subsequently your long term goals ceased to exist? Would your last five years have been a waste?

Our consistent focus on the future and our association with happiness once we achieve a goal of wealth/power/relationship status is what disintegrates any experiences which deviates away from this goal as “waste” and any time spent achieving this goal as merely passive moments. When working towards these goals, it is often that people are willing to sacrifice their current happiness in order to achieve happiness associated with the completion of the goal. A simple example would be revising for exams.

There is, however, absolutely no certainty of long term happiness when you achieve your long term goal. Have you ever achieved anything and felt completely self-fulfilled?

Assuming, therefore, that there is no certainty of long term happiness when you achieve your long term goal, does it make logical sense to sacrifice happiness in the short term to achieve long term goals, when you may not even live to achieve it? More importantly, can any life experience really be considered to be a waste of time, when the experience is merely slowing you down from achieving a goal which won’t bring you long term happiness anyway?


Why I divorced my Wife

Hot women with hairy armpits

Image Via Vincent Maher

As many of you have heard, I haven’t posted for a while. This is because I have decided to divorce my wife, due to her refusal to shave her face.

Really, this had nothing to do with the actual consistency and texture of the ferret she has decided to retain below her nose.

This decision to divorce her was deeper than this. It was because of her refusal to do something for me which I felt strongly about and which would cause her little pain/effort to complete.

I have always believed strongly in the concept of working together in the interest of the relationship, rather than on an individual basis. I adhere to the following two principles:

  1.  When a request of change within a relationship has been made, the feelings of each member of the couple should have equal weighting, and one should weigh up the benefits and disadvantages for each member of the couple before reaching a decision on how to proceed.
  2. If the benefits are low for one member he/she should search positively to try and find a way to make it beneficial for him/her also.

An example would be when my wife requests me to get her some tampons from the shop outside, as she doesn’t want to go because her tummy hurts. Now I dont give a fuck about her tampons. That’s her own problem. She strangely bleeds once a month not me. But she’s asking me to go because she’s in pain. The benefit is high for her: it’ll save her physical pain from going to the shop. For me, the loss I experience is that I waste my time going to a bloody shop to pick up an object which won’t even stop the bleeding or reduce the pain, and still have to pay for it. Overall however, providing us both with equal weighting, the benefits she receives from me going to the shop outweighs the sacrifice I make. To further reduce the “sacrifice” of going to the shop, I decided I can make it more pleasant for myself by having a cigarette on the way, thereby making the whole situation more beneficial for me also.

The fact that my ex wife would not shave her face fully went against this principle of working in the best interest of the relationship. I felt that it was an important issue for me, and questioned her as to what she feels would be her sacrifice. The reason was not that it would hurt her face,  nor that it was because she felt I should love her from her insides, not her outsides (she orders me to wax my ears regularly).  It was because, and I quote “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

That is why I divorced her. Her face ferret predicament was a visual symbol and reminder of countless previous times when she did not consider the best interests of our relationship, with no attempt whatsoever to consider my feelings. If she had the courtesy to simply explain whether she had some sort of spiritual connection with her new found lip pet, that may have been all that was required, as her sacrifice may not have been worth my benefit.

It bought me back to a time in our early days, when we were within our honeymoon phase and used to meet in Harrow bus station away from our parents to share dialogue about romance. I had experienced a troublesome episode within my family: my father became ill. I wanted to see her for half an hour to talk to her about what had happened. She blankly told me “no, I have exams, I simply don’t have half an hour in the next 6 weeks to spare, I’m just so swamped with revision, I don’t even have time to sleep”. The next day she was having a three course meal at a restaurant with family and friends.

If I could turn back the hands of time, maybe it was at this point I should have identified that we do not think alike. But then what it is the point of regret? Would my life have been any better? Have I wasted so many years in my life? Is it even possible to “waste years”?

As I leave my comfortable chair to face the world on my own two feet once more, it is time to reflect, discuss and answer some of lifes more deeper mysteries.

MamaJi


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