A Typical Boy’s Night Out

Ternary Allies
Photo Via JD Hancock

From working in the toilets of a club, I have found that most boys, lads, or groups of men universally follow the following process in their epic night out.

8:00 – 10:00 pm

Scenario: Drinks at the house.

Primary Aim: Convince each other that the probabilities of bringing a woman home tonight are extremely high, based on highly acclaimed evidence such as Jersey Shore.

Secondary Aims:

1) Drink as much as possible in the shortest amount of time to provide enough confidence to approach women.

2) Congratulate each other on being one of the lads.

3) Discuss the last woman they had sexual intercourse with.

 11:00 pm-12:00 am

Scenario: Enter club. At the bar.

Aim: Purchase alcohol to allow the opportunity to speak to each other at a bar whilst avoiding appearing homosexual and to achieve the following verbal conversation and agreeement.

Lad A: “She’s fit.”

Lad B: “She’s fitter.”

Lad A: “We’ll definitely find them when we are a bit more drunk

Lad B: “I can’t wait.”

12:00 – 1:30 am

Aim: Prepare for chatting up women

1:30-3:00 am

Before the effects of alcohol wears off, desperateness sets it. Having drunk, pissed, danced with each other and spent the majority of their weeks salary, it is now time to achieve the purpose of the night: to take a woman home.

Any female will do, because at this point, success is the only option.

The Chat-Up

 “Hey, what’s your name”. 

“Can I buy you a drink “

The Response

I’m tired.

My feet hurt from wearing heels all night.

I want to go home.

My best friend is throwing up in the toilets and I can’t leave her because she’s my best friend. Friends forever.

I’m hungry.

F””” off. You’re too late. What time do you call this.

3:00 am

After one rejection, the man ego has diminished. It is now time to retire and congratulate each other on how an evening can be so enjoyable without women.

End of Night

More:

How to be a successful rude boy 

The 6 different male clubbers

The 6 different female clubbers

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4 Comments on “A Typical Boy’s Night Out”

  1. ~Hermelynda~ says:

    Love the three Iron Men photo!! 😀

  2. Andrew says:

    Yeah pretty accurate. The only thing missing is the drunken walk/cab ride home. Where disgusting food is consumed, and then thrown up soon after. Oh and something gets broken. And I also love the metal men photo.

  3. Thank god, there is more to life than that.


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