Mr Rugby Lad Advises Football Scum On Being A Gentleman

Rugby 6 Nazioni 2010 Galles vs Scozia
Photo Via wallace39

Whilst working in the men’s toilets in a club in Leicester square, I overheard Mr Rugby Lad talking to a man who he described as “football scum”…

They were discussing the following well known quote:

“football is a gentleman’s game played by ruffians, and rugby is a ruffians game played by gentlemen”

This is what Mr rugby lad had to say:

Hello you football scum,

I am Mr rugby lad, and I have a message for you pansies who fall over every time you kick a football.

You are not playing like gentlemen. A gentlemen would respect his opponents tackle rather than fake a fowl.

Rugby is played by gentleman. It is an amazing feeling when you take down another man by rubbing your head tight against his ass, squeezing your hands around his tightly muscled quads and making him submit to you on the floor. This is something you ruffians would never understand.

Another favorite position is at the back of the scrum, when we get to rub our elbows close to the gentlemen to our rights testicle sac. The trust we show each other with such intimate parts shows what kind of people we are…

True gentlemen.

The fact that we rugby lads are gentlemen, unlike you football hooligans, stems from our privileged positions at boys only private schools, where rugby is universally taught along with other gentlemen activities such as sword fighting and how to continuously extend your neck at 90 degrees to “hold your head high”.

We act like gentlemen in all aspects of life, not just when we are jumping on each other, or playing “soggy biscuit”.

For example, one of our favourite games is “who can drink the most before throwing up and then drink his own puke.” We act like gentlemen by showing great respect to the usually extremely overweight pre-alcoholic winner of this competition, and we regard him as our trusted leader.

We also differ from you football hooligans as we play a number of team development and building exercises, like spending many evenings sitting together naked and singing songs to each other. This has importance for two main reasons.

1. It is extremely important that we get to know each others anatomy really well, to ensure correct placement of hands during scrum.

2. It makes the less privileged men such as yourselves feel jealous that they can not join in with a naked group of men and sing songs.

3. As we sing and stare at each others genitalia, woman feel intrigued enough to find out what the fuss is about, as shown here:

In Summary footy fanatics, to be gentlemen like us would be difficult for you. But, when the times are tough, you’ve just got to swallow it whole and move on to the next one.

And remember, at the end of the day, it’s all just banter!

So no hard feelings,

Mr rugby lad


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