The Daydream:The Apprentice “You’re fired.”Posted: May 2, 2012
Image Via Artist Agayev
As I sat alone in a trailor park reflecting on my recent divorce, I fell into a deep sleep.
It was then that I had a daydream. Until I woke up, I was to be the leader of England.
My mission, should I choose to accept it, would be to take England out of the recession.
At I sat back in my now bigger chair and waited for three maids to bring me my lunch,dinner and tea instead of my ex-wife, I was approached by this funny-looking fat man who was concerned about the recession.
Fat man: “Mr PrimeMamaJi sir, how do we get out of the recession”.
PrimeMamaJi: “We can’t.”
Fat man: “So what can we do. People are upset and shit.”
PrimeMamaJi: “Right. We must convince all these unemployed people that there is hope. They know that there’s no jobs left so we can’t play the “work harder” game.”
“We will make them believe that they can all survive without jobs through making their own living through selling shit. That way every-one will sell everything to each other and that will magically boost the economy”
Fat man: “Excellent logic. How should we proceed?”
PrimeMamaJi: “Well, we should spread this message far and wide. To do this we must enter the unemployed mind. The majority of the young unemployed sit at home watching television and planning their next riot right?”
Fat man: “Well, actually no…”
PrimeMamaJi: “Sorry what did you say? A good leader always listens and therefore I am trying to show that for the cameras so please repeat what you said so that I can prepare an answer to convince you that you are wrong.”
Fat man: “Oh yes, I see what you mean as I’ll go with anything you say anyway. Carry on.”
PrimeMamaJi: “To convince unemployed people to go out and sell shit, we will convince them using TV.”
PrimeMamaJi’s brain light bulb goes off.
“We will make a show where a rich, influential man can explain to people how it is done. He will do this by getting people to run around selling shit and then fire all of them except one.”
Fat man: “Excellent idea! Tell me more.”
PrimeMamaJi: “Well, firstly, the rich successful man will tell them that he doesn’t care about education because we don’t want so many people going to university anymore and also because the unemployed may not have gone to university.
Ideally we want to find a rich man who did it all from nothing so that people relate to him and believe that they can do it from nothing.
In the show we’ll make everything look really easy to the viewer by misrepresenting the candidates as stupid. For example, we’ll show how easy it is to set up and sell cakes at a cake stall by filming the candidates in a park selling cake and making faces rather than focusing on all those measly start up costs as banks don’t lend anymore.
Then, we want these people to take a risk. So let’s review the people who got fired on television and show every-one that they look a lot fitter than they did in the actual show. Hell, we can even make it funny.”
Fat man: “Genius. But how do we get a rich man to join our plan?”
PrimeMamaJi: “Oh fat man, who said anything about “join” a plan. I’ll hire the rich man and make him work for me. We’ll even give him a job title: how about the “enterprise champion.”
Fat man: “Excellent! I’ll begin making the arrangements.”
PrimeMamaJi: “Thats the entrepreneurial spirit! Mmm, entrepreneur. That word has a real ding to it. Let’s use that word more from now on. I want it all over tomorrow’s newspapers.
Oh, and fat man…You’re fired! Only joking, haha!”