Why I divorced my WifePosted: April 29, 2012
Image Via Vincent Maher
As many of you have heard, I haven’t posted for a while. This is because I have decided to divorce my wife, due to her refusal to shave her face.
Really, this had nothing to do with the actual consistency and texture of the ferret she has decided to retain below her nose.
This decision to divorce her was deeper than this. It was because of her refusal to do something for me which I felt strongly about and which would cause her little pain/effort to complete.
I have always believed strongly in the concept of working together in the interest of the relationship, rather than on an individual basis. I adhere to the following two principles:
- When a request of change within a relationship has been made, the feelings of each member of the couple should have equal weighting, and one should weigh up the benefits and disadvantages for each member of the couple before reaching a decision on how to proceed.
- If the benefits are low for one member he/she should search positively to try and find a way to make it beneficial for him/her also.
An example would be when my wife requests me to get her some tampons from the shop outside, as she doesn’t want to go because her tummy hurts. Now I dont give a fuck about her tampons. That’s her own problem. She strangely bleeds once a month not me. But she’s asking me to go because she’s in pain. The benefit is high for her: it’ll save her physical pain from going to the shop. For me, the loss I experience is that I waste my time going to a bloody shop to pick up an object which won’t even stop the bleeding or reduce the pain, and still have to pay for it. Overall however, providing us both with equal weighting, the benefits she receives from me going to the shop outweighs the sacrifice I make. To further reduce the “sacrifice” of going to the shop, I decided I can make it more pleasant for myself by having a cigarette on the way, thereby making the whole situation more beneficial for me also.
The fact that my ex wife would not shave her face fully went against this principle of working in the best interest of the relationship. I felt that it was an important issue for me, and questioned her as to what she feels would be her sacrifice. The reason was not that it would hurt her face, nor that it was because she felt I should love her from her insides, not her outsides (she orders me to wax my ears regularly). It was because, and I quote “I don’t give a shit what you think.”
That is why I divorced her. Her face ferret predicament was a visual symbol and reminder of countless previous times when she did not consider the best interests of our relationship, with no attempt whatsoever to consider my feelings. If she had the courtesy to simply explain whether she had some sort of spiritual connection with her new found lip pet, that may have been all that was required, as her sacrifice may not have been worth my benefit.
It bought me back to a time in our early days, when we were within our honeymoon phase and used to meet in Harrow bus station away from our parents to share dialogue about romance. I had experienced a troublesome episode within my family: my father became ill. I wanted to see her for half an hour to talk to her about what had happened. She blankly told me “no, I have exams, I simply don’t have half an hour in the next 6 weeks to spare, I’m just so swamped with revision, I don’t even have time to sleep”. The next day she was having a three course meal at a restaurant with family and friends.
If I could turn back the hands of time, maybe it was at this point I should have identified that we do not think alike. But then what it is the point of regret? Would my life have been any better? Have I wasted so many years in my life? Is it even possible to “waste years”?
As I leave my comfortable chair to face the world on my own two feet once more, it is time to reflect, discuss and answer some of lifes more deeper mysteries.