Psychology Of The Penis

penis [for oral b roberts]

Image via the-g-uk


Dear MamaJi

I need your wise assistance with a relationship issue.

About four weeks ago, I met a guy in a club. A handsome man, Romeo was his name. He bought me a drink and grinded on me for about 3 hours. We french kissed for the rest, then exchanged numbers and went our separate ways to get some cheesy chips.

Since then we have been on five dates. He tried to kiss me a few times, and I let him have a peck, but that was all. I don’t want to go any further than that because I am unsure if I see him in that way.

After our last date, he told me that he just wants to be friends. It’s almost like he’s lost interest in me and I don’t understand why?! We really got along. What could be wrong?

I was wondering if you could speak to him and find out what his problem is.


MamaJi was unable to track down Romeo. However, he did manage to get a response from Romeo’s penis.

A response from Romeo’s penis

Dear Juliet,

It’s nice to hear from you.

I have some shocking and upsetting news for you.

You never went out with Romeo. You went out with me, his penis.

You must have a lot of questions. So I’ll explain the psychology of the penis so that you can hopefully understand men better.

You never went out with Romeo

Image Via Austinhk

It was me you stimulated that first night, not Romeo. As you let your ass invade my personal space, my neuronal synapses fired with fury, heightening my senses and keeping me fully aware of my surroundings. Poor Romeo, on the other hand, was drugged through an overdose of dopamine, a reduction of serotonin and self-ingestion of alcohol. Dopamine, released by the body to provide him with a euphoric “high”, stimulating the same part of the brain as a dose of cocaine. A reduction of serotonin, the same neurotransmitter that is reduced in OCD sufferers, forcing Romeo to blindly and obsessively pursue you around the club. This beautiful cocktail, with a mix of alcohol to inhibit Romeo’s societal fears, induced Romeo into a state of lust making him a perfect walking puppet to help me achieve my sexual desires.

I made Romeo dump you because I realized you are a “prick tease”

At first, in the club, your feel intrigued me. I stood to attention and was determined to manipulate Romeo into pursuing you over the course of a number of dates in the hope of gaining further stimulation.

However, at our dates, you became confused and felt that you could ignore me completely and focus on Romeo through chit chat in the hope of gaining Romeo’s love through his brain and heart.

How dare you?! Who do you think you are? If you wanted to get to know the real Romeo why the hell did you shove your ass into my face for an entire night? And now, all of a sudden, you’re some kind of exuberant saint and think you can ignore me?!

If you want to get to know the real Romeo meet him face to face for the first time at an antique gallery, or a library, or at KFC, depending on your social class. Talk to him and get to know him. Don’t try rape him through me while he’s high off perfume, lust and a dark room and then think you can play nice nice. No. I may have one eye but I’m on your case.

I control Romeo, not the other way round

Did you know that for me to get aroused I don’t even have to ask Romeo? The mechanical stimulation you provided me when you repeatedly rubbed your leg up and down my crotch in the back of a club was enough to stimulate the autonomic nervous system which caused the dilatation of my blood vessels. These blood vessels filled up with blood and that is what makes my flaccidity into a hard, pounding erection. This same autonomic nervous system is involved in causing our heart rate to increase, our eyes to dilate and causes the pumping action of our bowels. Romeo has very little control on these actions, nor does he have on stopping himself getting an erection.

In summary, if you play with me, I’ll grow and Romeo can do very little to stop me from growing.

As Romeo grew older, he realized he had no control over me. I stood to attention at the most embarrassing places; on the morning bus to school; when the hot English teacher walked in; when he was watching “There’s something about Mary” with his parents. Young Romeo began to wake up at night with his trouser pyjamas soaked in a sticky substance after his illustrious wet dreams.

I tortured, humiliated and embarrassed Romeo into submission. As he grew older, I didn’t need to embarass him anymore. He knows I am in control. I had made him my bitch.

My needs come first

As Romeo wakes up every morning, the very first thing he notices is a pounding erection.

Romeo realized that, for the survival of his sanity, he has to put my needs first. For the rest of his days Romeo will strive to achieve money, wealth and health with the sole reason to attract members of the opposite sex in the hope that he will relieve himself of having to stimulate his master himself every-night and instead, pass along this horrific chain of slavery onto some-one else.

Everything Romeo does, he does to attract woman, as Jay-Z explains so elequantly in this video.

Romeo is a Junkie

Every-time I am stimulated Romeo gets a sharp dose of dopamine, stimulating the same areas of the brain as cocaine and giving him a euphoric “high”.

Romeo craves this high just as he would any other drug. He is an addict, addicted to having me stimulated in order for him to gain his quick fix.

Just like any addiction, the body’s tolerance levels increase rapidly, requiring you to increase the dosage of the substance you abuse to get the same fix.

This is where you really messed up. You provided Romeo with a quick fix that night at the club. Romeo’s tolerance had already increased. He now expected a french kiss as a baseline fix just to keep him away from getting his withdrawal symptoms.

Imagine a fat man. Give him ten chips every day for a week. Then give him five for the next week. Fat man happy with you? No.

Tolerance is why, after a period of time within a relationship, the french kiss that you provided at that club night will not have the same desired affect of driving your man wild. It’s not that you became fat or ugly. It’s not personal. It’s simple biochemical tolerance.

So what does this mean for you Juliet. If you sleep with Romeo, does this mean that it’s the end of the line? You have no more potent drugs to give? Is it inevitable that Romeo will look for a fix elsewhere?

No. The good news is that the amount of dosage you can provide can grow indefinately. Having sex is not the end of the line. Romeo’s inner fantasies are unlimited and his brain will guide your sexual relationship to enable you to become the most potent and efficient dopamine drug supplier in the market. Communication is therefore key to a healthy sexual relationship.

In fact, for you, Juliet, the fact that Romeo is the addict and you are the supplier means that you are in an extremely powerful position enabling you to eventually control Romeo’s actions through stimulating me and eventually control me also. This amazing phenomena was evolutionarily designed along with romance and love, enabling man and woman to come together, to child bear, and to remain a united family unit in order to protect each other and pass along their genes in the process of “survival of the fittest”.


In conclusion, Juliet, there are 5 main learning points here to understand men better:

  1. I control Romeo
  2. I can not be ignored by you.
  3. Romeo is incapable of stopping you from getting me to stand up. This provides you with an immesurable power over him. Use this power to your gain. He will appreciate it.
  4. Romeo is an addict and you are his dopamine drug supplier. With addiction comes tolerance. You set the time you introduce the first dose and the speed at which you increase the dose, but the dose must consistently be increased, however slightly. Bear in mind, however, that the longer you take to increase the dose increases the risk that I will force Romeo to dump you and look for a new supplier.
  5. With great power comes responsibility.

Romeo may fall in love with you, but ultimately, my needs must be met also. This is hormonal, natural, and core to the survival of the human race. I am in control and I am ultimately the key to a man’s heart. So, the worst thing you can do is insult me by being a prick tease.

I wish you, your next boyfriend and his penis all the best.

Kind Regards,

Romeo’s Penis

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6 Comments on “Psychology Of The Penis”

  1. Hilarious and so dam true you just confirmed what us females always knew. 😉

  2. If only women really knew that when were into them, its not really us it’s that standing invitation that controls us and has power over all our actions. I couldn’t have wrote this piece any better myself.


  3. […] You notice a female dressed in a short skirt and a bra. Something about this unique dress sense stands out about her which intrigues the attention of your penis.  […]

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